One week of mourning

It is one week today that Titien died. The sadness comes and goes in waves. Thank you very much for all the comments, memories, and words of support. I am overwhelmed. Titien touched everybody she interacted with and she was the love of my life.

Her funeral will be next Saturday, September 5th at 11 am German time. Maybe you can remember her then. Titien will be buried in a forest, her ashes will be under our family tree next to my mum and dad. The birds will sing for her every day. My best friend from high school is a priest and he will hold the service.

Some of you might know that Titien and me supported charitable projects in Indonesia where we help poor kids in remote areas with their education, for example by providing money to schools or by buying shoes for the pupils.

Here are the links to the articles Titien wrote about this. Rainbow project I is finished and for Rainbow project II, some but not all shoes have been delivered. The project is currently on hold because of travel restrictions in Indonesia due to the coronavirus pandemic, but will resume as soon as possible.

I was talking to Ernest today, our “man on the ground” who takes care that the projects are carried out successfully. He would be happy to help us with a third rainbow project to support poor children in rural Indonesia.

Should you consider donating in Titien’s name, I suggest to support the next Rainbow project we are planning. You can either transfer funds to Titien’s and my account with comdirect bank in Germany by SEPA bank transfer:
IBAN: DE53 2004 1144 0429 5515 00
or by PayPal to:

I will select a suitable project together with Ernest and Titien’s family and will keep you updated here on the progress in regular intervals.

At her funeral, Two friends of mine will play the violin and accordion. Below a YouTube Video of a song I requested for her. Lacchrimae from John Dowland.

Titien under our family tree
The tree
Us in the forest where she will be buried
The view from up there
Rainbow project II parcels
Shoes and socks were bought…
… and delivered to some already …
… wearing masks and new shoes.
Thank you.

13 Replies to “One week of mourning”

  1. Tobias, I love the song you picked, it is very peaceful, and your family tree in the forest looks like beautiful place. Sending you and Titiens family lots of love.

    1. And we would love to contribute to this wonderful rainbow project that you and Titien initiated..

  2. Tobias, I wish you lots of thrength for the 5th of September. It will be a very emotional day. Your wife was a wonderful, beautiful and adorable woman. never met her, but only met her on her blog, but I miss her. She is in heaven smiling on you and waiting for you there. You will see her again one day. I think the charitable project you posted is a wonderful thing. I have donated to the DIPG research foundation….I still hope one day they will fine a cure for it. Sadly, it will come too late for many wonderful people. I will be thinking of Titien on the 5th, but I think of her so often anyways. Stay strong!

  3. I will absolutely think of Titien, you & as kk who loved her on the 5th & will pay her amazing kindness forward. The song is beautiful & I know Titien is at peace & knows how very loved she is. Many hugs to you Tobias.

  4. Hi Tobias,
    I am Titien’s friend. We met in Beijing 2015. I am very sorry for Titien’s being gone. But at the same time, I feel that she was lucky to meet you and your love hold her dear and gave her unforgettable memory. I am touched by your love story and how strong and brave and optimistic Titien was when she fought against disease. I felt her peace. I will definitely support Rainbow project and let her kindness and goodwill continue to spread around which is eternally remembered. God is our our peace and may you come to him and open yourself to him for comfort. He loves Titien so much to bring you to her to embrace unconditional love. Likewise he also loves you very much. You will see her some day. Take care.

  5. Dearest Tobias,
    We share in your grief…. Titien lives on in our hearts. This past week was filled with mixed emotions as I binge read her blogs and reminiscing through all the Beijing photos and past wechat posts. What an amazing life! I wished I knew some of her secret spots where she indulged in stolen moments of tranquility AND coffee.

    Thank you for the sharing the info on Rainbow project’s progress and continuation. It is a tangible way for us to give and join Titien and you in blessing the children. We continue to pray for you all.

    May God continue to comfort you and give you all a magnificent day on September 5 to celebrate the rich life of Titien. Lots of love, Joyce

  6. Hi Tobias,my name is darah from venezuela. i followed titiens journey. my heart is sad because she is gone but at the same time very happy because all she new is love.. her love for you and GOD kept her going snd kept her happy untils her last breath. i thank you for taking care of her from your heart. i will miss you two dearly

  7. The inevitable message of Titiens passing last Sunday after being unconscious and unable to communicate any longer still hit me hard.
    As you know I’m just a silent reader of both of your blogs, I’ve grown fond of all Titiens blog entries and felt somewhat connected to both of you. Feeling very sad her happy loving pondering spirit is not among us anymore. Thank you for carrying on what mattered to her with the rainbow project and conveying her spirit to others. I like the idea of the family tree very much. Rest in peace, Titien, free from pain and suffering, finally.


  8. Dear Tobias,
    Thank you for continuing to inform us about your next steps with your beloved wife. Her burial site looks like a bit of heaven on earth to me. What a perfect spot to reflect on your love and time together. I’m sure the ceremony will be bittersweet for you in many ways and I will think of you both on the 5th.

    I will be happy to donate in Titien’s memory. It is the least I can do to show my love and respect for your very special wife.

    Holding you in prayer,

  9. Tobias, Petja and I were blessed to briefly know Titien and we will remember her. It is both heartbreaking and incredibly beautiful that she will be buried at this amazing spot with your parents. Stay strong!

  10. Hi Tobias
    I’ll definitely think of Titien tomorrow at 11 a.m. and listen once more to the heartbreaking Lachrimae by John Dowland. The music is a fitting tribute to the grief and loss left by Titien’s premature death.
    I miss Titien’s blogs. Even when she was dying, she gave so much to others.
    Tomorrow will be a very hard day for you. I do hope you have plenty of family and friends to comfort and sustain you, not only tomorrow but also in the coming weeks and months.
    Hugs and prayers

  11. Dear Tobias,
    Thank you for the update. Thinking of you both today during Titien’s celebration of life. Titien’s final resting place couldn’t be more perfect and serene. She’ll get to hear the birds sing, feel the nice summer breeze, smell of nature and be with loved ones.

    I miss seeing Titien’s updates. I’ve re-read all of her blogs…her very raw feelings about what she’s going through..her symptoms..her love and support from you. Even during the last four months during her rapid decline, she still put her all in her blogs. I’m so thankful that she continued to write even when she struggled. It’s important that she got her message out there about what DIPG does and how it robs all of these beautiful souls of life.

    It’s wonderful that you are continuing her and your passion with the 🌈 Project. I am happy to contribute so that these children will have shoes to wear.

    Pleas know that are are both in my thoughts today. ❤️ 🤗 🙏

  12. Hi Tobias, I’m Titen’s friend. I saw Kaiyan’s update for the funeral in FB. Thank you and Titen to share the tough journey. It touched readers deeply. Titen no longer feels the physical pain and one day we all will reunion in the heaven. While listening to the music you selected for her and seeing the forest pic, peaceful and warm feeling comes all together. Thank you so much to be the sunshine for her! Thank you so much for the heart to the kids. Keep you in Prayer!

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