As per today, the COVID-19 pandemic already affected 213 countries, more than 17 million people, and has taken more than 667.000 lives.I recognize the lossI’m thinking about them who are mourning.My condolences and deepest sympathy for them.
::: IT WAS A DILEMMA
In the past,
when I thought about suffering,
it was very personal,
and I was always hesitant to address it.
My hope was that,
we find comfort and peace in God.
The source was my skeptical theism:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
declares the LORD.
I began to doubt,
that He knew what’s best for them and me,
that He was there for them and me.
Ultimately, I began to doubt His word.
I had rejected God.
I had decided I’d rather be my own gods.
Suffering raised questions in my heart:
Could God have wronged you and me?
He offered an eternal life,
rather than healing us,
rather than creating a better world,
in which you and I could lived without suffering?
::: STILL TRUSTING GOD
How do families endure grief and pain?
How does a mother manage it in life?
Where do we go for answers,
when we suffer,
or when we see those we love suffering?
Why does the all powerful and loving God allow this?
Can I trust God even when faced with great evil?
Is He morally trustworthy?
Can I trust Him even if I don’t understand what is happening?
Here, I don’t want to talk
about evolution nor atheism.
There are many articles about this.
Living with DIPG,
I know more or less,
what is suffering.
A palliative nurse,
came on Monday
she said that I wasn’t getting better,
that most likely I will die from a lung infection,
As a consequence of aspirating food or liquid.
Or I will starve to death
because I decided
once I cannot swallow anymore,
not to be given food through my feeding tube
but just water to keep me hydrated.
Since 3 years ago,
I was diagnosed
with late stage incurable brain cancer,
I trusted God in everything,
even when times are hard,
I was clinging on to Him,
because I have already learned to trust Him.
God hasn’t changed,
it’s my circumstances that have changed.
When suffering came,
it didn’t take me away from God,
but it revealed Him to me,
Have I really been trusting Him or not?
I haven’t attempted to answer,
all of the intellectual issues,
regardless of what is going on around me.
It’s me and our nature,
to think the innocent shouldn’t suffer.
Most heartbreaking of all,
is the suffering of a child.
Children are as close to innocence,
as I ever see in this world,
and for them to suffer is truly tragic.
innocent children suffer,
because of the sin of others:
neglect, abuse, drunk drivers, etc.
innocent children suffer,
because of what we might call,
“acts of God”,
DIPG, childhood cancer, natural disasters, accidents, and so on.
Yes, the innocent suffer.
Maybe I can only ask Him ‘why’,
when I am in the eternity.
In this world,
innocent and not-innocent people,
are the same,
they will have troubles.
Trials and distress,
are not something unusual in life,
they are part of what it means to be in this world.
The difference is,
in times of despair and sorrow,
do we reach out to Him,
do we wait for Him,
to comfort and uphold us through it all.
The faithful do not doubt His goodness,
we know that trials prove,
that we will receive the crown of life,
that the Lord has promised,
to those who love Him.
Often, there is no way we can know,
why God allowed something terrible to happen.
We can trust that it was God’s will,
but to understand it,
is a different matter.
There is no pain or suffering in Heaven.
In Heaven we will all be perfect.
However, it should be our goal,
to reach that level of trust,
in our pre-Heaven walk with God.
when tragedy strikes us,
whether circumstances are hard,
when illness, natural disasters,
or even a loved one’s death,
it’s tempting to wonder “why me?”
and to become angry with God,
for not stopping it.
When suffering becomes personal,
we wonder why God would allow us to suffer.
Yet, He never promises,
an easy and pain-free life.
Actually, He promised us,
we will have trouble and hardship in this world.
But, He also promises us,
the hope and help we have in Him.
life has a way of throwing us
quite a few curve balls.
Challenges come our way all the time.
And we are still human.
We are prone to getting upset and bothered.
We tend to worry and fret over many things.
We also may be approached by a person,
who’s hurting due to illness, death, circumstances, or a natural disaster.
We may have not the answer.
But point them to Christ.
Rejoice always; be gentle;
don’t be anxious; pray; give thanks;
and present our requests to God.
Because of Christ,
we have hope and eternity.
::: BE PEACEFUL WITH HIM
It’s God’s desire,
all of us to be at peace with Him.
it was His plan,
we could forever be at peace with Him,
by sending Jesus Christ,
His only Son to earth.
After living a life,
Jesus was crucified,
and His sacrifice made provision for us,
the forgiveness of our sins.
Through Jesus sacrifices,
when we put our faith in Him,
our sins are wiped away in God’s sight.
We have peace with God,
Jesus is called the Prince of Peace,
and it is through Him alone,
we may have peace with God.
now we have the confident,
hope of an eternity in Heaven with God,
we have been justified by faith,
we have peace with God through Jesus Christ.
we have obtained access,
by faith into this grace,
in which we stand,
and we rejoice in hope,
of the glory of God.
Check this out:
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 ESV
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE OR TO USE ANY OF MY STORIES AND PHOTOS TO INSPIRE OTHERS OR TO RAISE DIPG WAS AWARENESS.
::: UPDATE ABOUT ME
3 Years 3 months Post Biopsy
Midline Pontine Glioblastoma/DIPG Grade IV
Now, Tobias takes care of me completely.
I 100% depend on Tobias, on everything.
I hope miracles happen,
I have asked God,
to allow me at the end of my life,
To have the strength to type and to swallow.
Sometimes I cry by myself,
I love Tobias so much.
we make mistakes,
he sometimes doesn’t understand me,
he’s 80 kgs and me 55-60 kgs,
like a sack of rice,
when I fall,
or not sit properly,
I give him pain.
I want to always say I love him,
and I am sorry,
please be patience with each other,
please bear with me couple of weeks longer.
I can’t hold my neck anymore.
I need a neck pillow.
I fall whenever I don’t sit up straight.
I lost all of my muscles and bodily functions.
I cannot control my balance anymore.
I am getting worse rapidly, day by day.
Dexamethasone doesn’t slow down my symptoms from worsening.
Following the advice of my doctors,
I keep decreasing dexamethasone every few days.
She wants me to go until 4 mg and 2 mg.
It’s too fast for me.
I am retaining so much water in my body.
I currently take 4.5mg during breakfast (9 am), 4.5 mg during lunch (2 pm).
Tobias gives me kisses,
I am so loved unconditionally by Tobias ♥️.
I depend 100% on him.
No matter what happens,
I trust that Tobias gives himself,
and loves me unconditionally.
I am almost 100 % crippled,
I am almost 100 % disabled,
I almost 100 % lost my muscles,
I almost 100 %. lost my bodily functions,
Yet, inside my head is still the same Titien.
I know ,
I can’t do anything about it.
Just so thankful for Tobias ♥️