As much as I was living in the present, I also recalled my past then when I was in Beijing. Walking down the streets, I shared all my past experiences with my husband, for him to see who is Titien in the past. It made me smile.

After being told that I have late stage incurable cancer in my brainstem, I have to accept it, and think how I want to live the rest of of the time I have. For me then to live is not just about being alive, but to live meaningful and to do what matters.

Since then, sweet or bitter past, I no longer dwell on it, I am rather extracting lessons from it, finding strength in all that I have overcome and celebrating my achievements, no matter how big or small. I also have no hard feelings nor soft feelings of my past. I moved on.

I live my present and in the here and now, with a precious strength that is born from gratitude. Yes, I feel grateful, not just for my husband, family and friends, and for being alive, but also for the incredible life I’ve lived. My past is a gift and so is my present and any future I have.


Titien: “This is the street I lived in, that was my flat”.
Tobias: “Rocky street. They’re repairing the street here!”
The next morning
Titien: “Let’s walk to the cafe opposite my flat, I used to go there every morning.”
Arrived on the street, we’re both surprised, it’s now a nice new asphalted street. Changed in one night!
Tobias: “Wow, how do they do that, how can they even move all cars that parked on the street last night and redo the whole surface?
TItien: “Welcome to China”.

It just 3 years ago that I have left Beijing, and I almost did not recognise it anymore. Beijing has changed a lot. The streets I used to walk, now looked different. The temple, the art zone, the shopping area, the restaurants, were not the same, some even were not there anymore.

In some way, it looked nice and amazing. In other ways, I felt Beijing lost it charm and looked artificial. But again, things change, people change too, so don’t dwell in the past.

However, there’s one thing unchanged. Many years ago I found this priceless hidden treasure in Beijing. It’s the friendship in the Beijing International Christian Fellowship (BICF).

Like any other international city, people (expats) here come and go. Interestingly, BICF is like a home, and friends I found there are like family. Yes, the BICF structure has changed, people come and go, but that Sunday when I visited again, I felt at home. The old faces I knew still remembered me, and new faces also recognised me from the story they heard and posts they saw on social media. Those who already left Beijing, in unity made an online prayer group for me. Here is my forever home, my Beijing family.


During my trip to Beijing, my best friends Ashlee from Singapore and Ka Yan from Hong Kong (whom I met in BICF) came to Beijing, and we explored the city we used to live in together.

Ka Yan and friends I met in BICF that Sunday told me that they were excited to finally met me in person, and told me that I am a living miracle.

In my heart, it’s them who are the living miracles. It’s their love, it’s their hope, it’s their time praying for me without knowing me, and it’s their heart remembering me always. They bring miracles to my life.

Thank you BICF friends, your prayers matter and make a difference.

These friendships make me truly happy, 
it is so breathtaking beautiful,
and it is bring peace and divinity.


::: Update about me

Yesterday my MRI result was good. The tumor is stable.

Not only that, the blood test result also showed that my leukocyte count was normal (reading 4.9 out of 4-10). First time in months!

So, me physically and emotionally, alles gut! 🙂

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew‬ ‭7:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

1 Year 15 Weeks Post Biopsy
Brainstem Midline Pontine Glioblastoma(DIPG) Grade 4

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