As per today, the COVID-19 pandemic has already affected 213 countries, more than 5.3 million people, and taken more than 340.000 lives.

We’re living in a time in human history,
where the world stands very precariously in the edge of some next catastrophe.
The news is inundated with pandemic, calamity, natural disaster, hungers, conflicts, struggles and pains.
It’s quite tense for me to hear this everyday.
I can see how small and insignificant we are as human beings.


Yesterday, the hospital finally called.
They told us the result of FET-PET scan. They saw a progression in my brainstem, and there is nothing they can do about it.
No chance for irradiation,
and they want to stop the Avastin because it no longer works.
I now need palliative care towards the end of my life.

I don’t know how long I will be here.
But I know that in surrendering to God’s will I win.

this is where my heart has been in my writings.
To tell you that you’re born loved.

Life is full of surprises.
But, it doesn’t mean that it is meaningless.
These 3 years, living with DIPG,
I learned
that we are not an accident.
God is able to heal us to be whole.
We have our stories.

I learned,
when we let our heart be transformed,
we know what our purpose is in life.
Why we exists.

I learned,
it needs a process to digest all of these things,
it’s our choice,
to pursue or to ignore,
but from my experience,
I finally found His forgiveness, His grace, and eternity,
It’s worth it.
This liberates me,
this makes me experience joy,
and blessings.

this is all about the gospel,
this is all about the cross,
pointing out that
you’re loved.


I hope you can see through the humanity.
That everyone despite their ethnicity, status, ability, disabilities, have their worth.
We are equal.

I told you on my last post that lately I woke up at 4 am.
Sometimes I imagine what if I was healthy.
I want to be friends with the refugees,
I want to be friends with the elderly that are left alone in old people’s homes,
I want to be friends with the disabled kids,
I want to be friends with the homeless people,
I want to know them.

I want to share love to others,
because I have God’s love in my heart, my mind and my soul.

never violate others.
Love is to reign.
Let’s bring help to those who need,
bring prayers to those who need,
bring hope to those who need,
bring liberty to those who need,
bring courage to those who need,
bring kindness to those who need,
and so on.

the only question left for us to answer is do we live according to these commandments?
Do we truly love God with all of our hearts, with all of our souls, and with all of our minds?
Do we really love our neighbor as ourselves?

Well, if we’re truthful with ourselves,
we are often failing.
But, He is the perfecter of our faith.
He will guide us faithfully.
Trust Him.


“Je “Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.””
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭22:37-40‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

3 Years Post Biopsy
Midline Pontine Glioblastoma/DIPG Grade IV

On Thursday, May 27th I will receive the last 33rd round of Avastin. My doctor wants me to stop with this treatment, it no longer works.

Yesterday, the doctor called that from FED-PET scan they saw a progression in the brainstem. They can’t give irradiation and no more drugs for me. So, no treatments available anymore.

I am getting worse pretty rapidly, day by day.
For now, I increased dexamethasone to 14 mg daily. It doesn’t slow down my symptoms from worsening. There are no new symptoms, but all my symptoms get more intense. It pretty much limits everything I want to do. Every movement feels heavy. I have difficulty speaking, my voice sounds nasal, I have difficulty walking even with a rollator at home, I have difficulty moving out from bed, I have severe head pressure, double vision, balance issues, bowel issues to the point where I can’t control my bowel anymore, tingling pain on my left arm and on my face, weakness of my right arm, and many fits of laughter. I need to be in a wheelchair when leaving my flat.

I’m truly blessed with Tobias.
I have nothing else to ask for,
I have everything in him.
God gave me more than I could have imagined.
He is my earthly rock.
Tobias knows what I want in the end.
I will stay home for as long as possible and not in a hospital room.

Please go to “My Medical History” for more details.

Thanks for remembering me and my family in your prayers 🙏

PS: Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my posts.
Please subscribe to get updates by mail. 🤗

Stop by Tobias’ office to water plants 🌱
And bring the orchids 🌸 home
Everyday, if the weather is good,Tobias will take me to the park ☺️
Park close to home
This month is an international nurses day. They’re happy with their spirit animal T-shirt 🤗. They’re angels 👍
Park close to home 🏡
Tobias got himself a green screen. Now looks professional when he gives Seminars 😄
And I can hide behind the screen laying on the sofa 😂
Guess which one is my balcony 😁?
Ice cream season starts 😍
My house is never silent. The whole day, there’re birds singing 🎤
Saturday morning routine. Meier bakery 🥖🥨

36 Replies to “BE A GIFT FOR HUMANITY”

  1. Your story is full of miracles and faithfulness. Continue pray for you and your family 🙏🙏🙏

  2. Dear Titien, it pains me tremendously to hear the devastating news about the brainstem progression. I feel sad shedding tears.
    I am grateful for all your posts and thoughts you shared over the many months and years. In all of them there is always one thing shining through. Love. I think I pointed that out before. Nevertheless it’s still true and crucial.
    Your love reaches out and touches every soul who reads your posts. I wish you can feel the same reciprocated love in your heart of all the people you have touched and continue to touch in your life.
    I feel it even when I cook your delicious recipes. Thank you so much for those by the way.
    You are a truly wonderful woman. All the best wishes for you.
    Your chili plant.

    1. Hi my chili 🌶 😂
      I am grateful to know you onlinr. You have given me joy. Thanks for reading my stories too and recooked my recipe. That’s big 👍. I wish you stay happy in life, stay healthy. I wish you all the best. Till we meet again my friend. Tschüss ❤️

  3. Tien you are living testimony for the past 3years .. u are an inspiration for others …

    Remembered the first time when u said u were diagnosed by the doctor that u only live for another 3 months but u live till today 3 years later and as a proof for God’s Grace.

    Thank you for living in your faith…
    Thank you for showing us a true love is
    Thank you for sharing your life to bless others.
    Thank you for taught me how to use make up for the first time.
    Thank you for taught me how to learn to be able to sleep while sharing bed with others.
    Thank you for filled my days before I back for good to indo.
    Thank you for all the memories you create in my life, our lifes ..

    You are a warrior of faith, strong women, living testimony, loving wife and friends…

    Keep lifting you and Tobias in prayer…

    Remember when I said back in Beijing on the sofa when we cried all night, “I won’t and can’t take everything that I said… I love you my friend and forever will …

    Love you Tien … 🥰🥰🤗🤗

    Ps: keep on writing …

    1. Haha thanks Sint. Ya, what a memory we have in Beijing. Thanks for being my friend. I hope you stay happy and healthy in Indo. Keep shining as always 😊. Love you 😘

  4. Tin, you’re really a warrior on my hearth. I know that you already bless many people with your writing dan love. And i saw that because God show you His big love through your husband …. Never give up, God will turn trial into triumph. From Surabaya with love, Your twin sister

  5. Titien, I am your silent reader. You are always in my prayer and I love your writing, especially the story in ur life and love story between you and Tobias.
    Be strong and take care my friend. I am sure you touched many of your readers.
    Hugs xxx

  6. Titien, I feel so sorry and sad that the treatments have come to an end. As an atheist, I have no way o f praying, but I include you as much in my thoughts and wish you as much strength and love as any religious person could. That being said, you demonstrate strength and love more than anyone I know already. Even though we have only met a few times, I understand completely why you and Tobias are such a perfect match and an example of true and pure love.
    Your light shines.

    1. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Knowing you as one of Tobias’ best friend. You’re a fun and kind person. I wish you a good start and happy life back in Germany 😊. Thanks for reading my stories and remembering me and my family in your ❤️- Titien

  7. Dear Titien,

    I don’t know how iI finally found your blog through your husbands site. I’ve read all posts about your cancer. I’m sorry to see that such a lovely, happy, charm and giving person needs to leave so early. But we all don’t know why we have to leave one day.

    I hope you will get the best palliative care and will not have any pain or angst.

    See you on the other side. One day.

    1. Hi Melanie,
      Thanks for your kind message.
      I’m sure Tobias will be on my side and I’ll be peaceful when leaving this earth. He’s a wonderful person ever.
      Haha, ya see you one day at the other side 👍😁
      Till then, take care and stay happy and healthy in life ❤️

  8. Dear Titien,

    doaku selalu buatmu dan Tobias, keep strong, penuhi pikiranmu dengan semua hal yg positif, selalu sadar setiap saat, ingat hal-hal membahagiakan yang pernah kamu lakukan, selalu pikirkan kebaikan dan cinta kasih utk orang2 terdekatmu, lingkungan dan dunia.

    salam dari Jakarta,


  9. Titien… we love you, girl!
    You are a living testimony and it’s proven that nothing could stop you from sharing about God’s love to the world.
    We pray for you and believe that Jesus always beside you holding your hand.
    Stay strong and keep sharing your radiant smile.

  10. You are an over comer who rides such a uphill battle with joy and peace trusting wholly in the Lord. Your sincere testimonies draws people to Christ and have encouraged many. Jia you! Stay strong. I am praying for you and Tobias.

  11. Yes, you will win tinnnn

    tiap baca jadi nostalgia huhuhu
    miss you so muchhhh

    yi qi jiayouuu

    you are alwaysss in our prayer

    love you (=̴̶̷̤̄ ₃ =̴̶̷̤̄)♡

  12. I am always praying & thinking of you, Tobias & your family & friends. You are such a bright & amazing light to many.
    Thank you for all you have shared.

    1. Thanks Karen,
      for always reading my stories, leaving encouragement comments, and remembering us in your prayers. I get combos from you 😂 ❤️ Hugs

  13. Titian, as always, your writing is filled with hope , humor, and honor for God’s sovereignty! I follow your life and journey of faith from Los Angeles. How I wish I could have met you when both of us were In Beijing at the same time. We could have shared a few good meals and lots of cups of good coffee and ice cream for sure. Praying for you girl and continue to let the light of Christ shine bright!

    1. Hi Joyce.
      I remember you. Yes too bad we didn’t spend much time together in Beijing, but that time I was a different person though haha. Thanks for reading my stories and remembering me in your prayers. Have a wonderful week and stay happy and healthy ❤️

  14. Hi Titien
    This is a devastating piece of news, and I cried a lot yesterday when I first read about the FET-PET scan result. Although we’ve never met, I feel much closer to you than to many people I know. This is because you are a gift to humanity, an admirable and strong woman and a light that shines even in the greatest darkness, despair and hopelessness. I have learned and still continue to learn about love and God’s love from your posts. Reading your posts is an inspiration that will stay with me forever.
    My prayers go out for you, Tobias and the medical personnel involved in your treatment.
    May you receive the very best palliative care in the world, and may you and Tobias experience some rays of sunshine and happiness in these sad and difficult times.

    1. Hi Elisabeth,
      Thanks for your kind words 😊 I feel so proud when you mention that you’re feeling close to me although you only read my stories on my website 😁makes me so happy haha 😃

      Thanks for remember me and Tobias in your prayers.

      I hope all the best in your life, always happy and bring lights to others too. Stay healthy too. 🤗

      Love, Titien

  15. “Tak usah ku takut
    Allah menjagaku
    tak usah ku bimbang
    Yesus peliharaku”

    An dieses Lied, das ich in Indonesien gelernt habe, musste ich gerade denken.
    Heute habe ich zum ersten mal hier gelesen. Es berührt mich und beeindruckt mich so sehr, wie Glaube und Liebe dich stark machen.
    Alles Gute dir und Tobias für die nächste Zeit.
    Niemals kannst du tiefer fallen, als in Gottes Hand!

    1. Hi Rike,
      Thanks for your encouragement 🥰
      It’s interesting you’ve visited Indonesia 👍😁.
      Thanks for remember me and Tobias in your thoughts and prayers.
      Yes,amen als in Gottes Hand 🤚😊.
      Have a wonderful week and stay happy 😊
      Love, Titien

  16. Hi Titen,
    Thank you for sharing your story
    It is so heartfelt and heartbreaking all at the time. It’s such a blessing to
    See how much love you have not to
    mention all that faith you are a inspiration to all those around I am
    Truly inspired by your story I have
    COPD and it’s hard staying up beat I
    Still have hope though depression comes easy I feel ashamed, your story has inspired me to do what you are doing thinking of others not
    Myself. Thank you for sharing your heart, love, hope, faith, and inspiration. I wish your story had ended differently because you have so much to share. God bless you.🥰🤗💜❤🙏🙏🙏

    1. Hi Ronnete,
      Thanks for reading my stories and sharing a bit about you. I’m very sorry you have to suffer with Copd 😢. I hope for much rest and comfort in you. And of course healing. Stay strong and happy ja. Have a wonderful day! Love, titien

  17. Titien,
    In an effort to find comfort while my mom has been fighting for her life against cancer over the past 3 years, I’ve found myself drawn to reading blogs like yours. I am another one of your silent readers. I’ve never commented on a blog post anywhere before, but I can’t help but make my first comment. Titien, you are such an incredibly beautiful person. God has used you to inspire so many of us. Reading your blog has helped me get through some of my darkest days. I am in awe of you and will continue to pray for you and Tobias from here in Texas! ❤️

    1. Hi Mary,

      Thank you for reading my stories,thank you for sharing about your mom, and thank you leaving me an uplifting comment , super 3x hehe 👍🤗.
      I’m glad that my stories have inspired you Mary.
      You’re also a strong and beautiful person.
      I wish all the best in your life,
      keep shining ☀️ ,
      stay happy and healthy 😊
      Thanks for remembering me and Tobias in your prayers 👍🥰

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