Unfortunately we are living on a battlefield, not a playground.
::: GOING THROUGH THE BATTLEFIELD
life is like a battlefield.
We are being challenged, running, escaping, hiding, preparing to fight, fighting, regrouping, wounded and then tending to the next round.
Like on a battlefield, the next round often gets harder. Watching others suffer, get wounded and die. Our heart can’t help to be hardened like steel.
I went through many battles in my life. I strike and defend myself, I run away and hide, I hurt others and talk lies to defend, I got scared of depression and shame, I was prisoned by trauma and abuse, and much more.
That time, I feel like arrows were being shot at me by day and I went though terror by night. Things were falling apart, but I was good at denial, faking it as if I’m doing ok.
Sounds dramatic? Yes it is. Life indeed is dramatic.
After I finally found my love, Tobias in October 2016 and got engaged in December 2016, I thought finally I could rest from battle. But I was wrong. A month later, in early January 2017, I started having symptoms, and in March 2017 I was diagnosed with late-stage brainstem cancer. I am dying.
I got married in April 2017, and in May 2017 I started receiving series of radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
I entered the hardest battle ever in my life, pain and fear were attacking me,I was challenged physically and emotionally. My physical beauty is fleeting. My abilities are failing. I lost my pride. I have no weapon left and I was thrown to the ground.
I thought this is it. This time game over.
But that moment ,I found out, something great and powerful carried me on.
It was shielding me, cleaning my wounds, healing me and fighting the battle for me.
In my weakness I surrendered, and just trusted and took refuge.
It conquered my battle. Delivered me out to the other side, I became victorious.
This power has a name, LOVE.
::: VICTORY AND NOT EMPTY-HANDED
What are you facing in your battlefield?
A failing marriage, a disease that seems winning, being abused, losing a job, loneliness, disputes in the family, bankruptcy, depression, betrayal, shame, guilt …
I learned that on my battlefield, the highlight is not what is attacking me, but it’s about who is with me.
I fight courageously,
but then I learned to trust when I no longer can rely on my strength.
I learned to trust love. To trust God who is love, and to trust my husband, family and friends loving me.
I come out victorious!
Adding to that, I came out with a trophy and not with empty-hands!
I have countless blessings on my hand,which would take pages to list them all.
But the point is that I came out never as happy, as lively, as peaceful, as free like now.
This love humbled me. It softened my heart of steel.
I no longer need to prove myself. I am save.
I never knew that my blessings would come in the form of life lessons.
Therefore, I started writing.
How eager I wanted to share with you my blessings, through telling you my personal experiences, so you can see the beauty of The Divine,
the goodness of the most faithful one,
the never failing LOVE,
And have confidence.
I wish from reading my story, you could feel encouraged and comforted, by seeing that whatever battle you’re fighting now, knowing for sure that you will come out victorious with abundant blessings on your hand.
Even when you thought you’re defeated, in fact you’re not, because God will carry you on. We’re not alone in the battle, God is with us.
So then when we come out victorious. We’re so grateful and joyful that we want to share it with other fellows.
Through our smile, kindness, empathy, prayer, financial support, song, work, impact, courage, peace, friendship, hope, whatever we do, we do it out of love.
We share with others what we have received through our battle.
We trust and surround ourselves with love and gratitude. Let your light shine on the heart of others. So they experiencing grace, too and feel overflowed with thanksgiving.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”Romans 8:28 NIV
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”Romans 8:37 NIV
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NIV
::: UPDATE ABOUT MY TREATMENT
1 Year 7 Months Post Biopsy. Midline Pontine Glioblastoma (DIPG) Grade IV
Re-irradiation is still ongoing.
I did 5x of 15 rounds 2gy. 10 more to go.
So far no major side effects, only slight head pressure and intenser tingling pain with my left arm.
I keep taking dexamethasone 4mg each morning. It’s been three weeks already, and my face is starting to get rounder.
My symptoms are still the same: weakness on my right arm, difficulty to walk (balance issue), slight difficulty speaking, sensitive pain on my right face, squinting.
I Appreciate your prayer and support for the best outcome of re-irradiation 🙏 Thanks 🤗