Once upon a time, a young king saddened by the death of his best friend said: “We live and die. What’s the meaning to live then”? asked the King. So he called all the royal advisors to help him find the answer.
It took them decades to write down all the stories of experiences they gathered from the people, such as ambition, money, power, sacrifice, success, failure etc.
They came back to the 50 years old king with hundreds of books they wrote, about the meaning of life. But the king was busy ruling the kingdom with so many external and internal affairs, including personal affairs. “I don’t have time! Compress it! Burn those bookshelves”, the king said impatiently and very angry.
After another decades, they successfully compressed it to 10 books. But by that time the king was already 70 years old, with sight problem, he can’t see clearly anymore nor read. “I can’t read, tell me the answer”! He shoo them to work harder and give him an answer.
10 years flies, the king was dying in bed. The advisors gathered in his room.
“Your majesty, we finally found the answer of your question, what’s the meaning of life”, said one of the advisors.
“Quick, tell me”!, the king said
I heard this story holding hands with my husband as we were standing in front of the marriage officer taking our vows.
::: This life is temporary
When I found out I was dying from cancer, I somehow understood the temporary time or time limit we have.
I live a very crazy life, colorful with many dark colors, scars and emptiness.
Until I finally found my love. Unfortunately in a very short time, just a few months later I was diagnosed with stage-4 brainstem cancer (DIPG). A terminal disease that has 0 survival rate.
This past 1 year I’ve been fighting, I’ve had 6 hours biopsy that until today left me constant tingling pain on my left side of my body, multiple radiation, multiple chemo regimen.
Every 3 months I have MRI, hoping the result of the tumor is stable.
Moreover, how I wish I could see normal again.
::: Find loving kindness
Dying. When I talk about it to my husband, parents and friends, makes me sad. But I want to share.
Because I believe by talk about it, they will understand. By loving them, they’ve got the capacity to get through anything in life, including one day when I’m gone.
What I really want you to do in life is to find goodness. I want you to live with passion and love. I know that no life is free of hardship, but embrace it and know that you’ll come out on the other side stronger.
::: Live with gratitude
Not many healthy and successful people have the ability to see challenges and death as opportunities, and to face them with gratitude.
Many people that are dying or experience failures and regrets in their life can see the meaning of life, have the capacity to overcome things that come in their life, and they define happiness from different perspective.
So, don’t wait like the king in the story. You don’t need hundreds of books or decades of years to understand the meaning of life. It simple, make use of your time and learn to love.
::: Update about me
I’m flying to Hongkong in one hour. It’s gonna be a 13 hours flight. The doctor canceled the booster because my leukocyte count level not too low (3 out of 4-10). I will have chemo when I’m in china.
I will spend 3 weeks in China, meeting my parents, family and friends again. And to show Tobias places where I spent more than 20 years of my life.
Last year, this trip was like an impossible dream for me. I wasn’t sure if I could make it. But by living one day at a time, getting stronger bit by bit, tonight I’ll fly to China.
Loving kindness tastes sweet. I taste God’s goodness.
1 Year 3 Months Post Biopsy
Brainstem Midline Pontine Glioblastoma(DIPG) Grade 4