This year Christmas was special because it’s my first Christmas with my husband, in Chemo, and because the meaning of Christmas for me now is different than before.
Lately I was losing my confidence. I lost a lot of hair, that I can see my scalp, dry scalp skin. My face looks different, my crossed eyes. I miss me before DIPG.
This feeling also makes me lower myself value. I felt I am not beautiful for my husband to be proud of. I wanted to give the best for my love one.
Good friends reminded me that I am still the same Titien they know. My husband also said the same, and never show less love. But still I keep looking to my physical condition, and this makes me sad and lost confident.
::: WHEN SAD AND GRIEF OCCUR
On Facebook I read many lovely Christmas wishes, and the meaning of Christmas.
In reality, in this holiday season I saw happy families gathering; broken families struggling; families lost their loved ones; parents make efforts and not appreciated by their kids; children got abandoned; got diagnosed with terminal illness; etc. Every individual have their own black and white Christmas story.
I remember few years back, Christmas for me was a shicky micky cocktail dress, parties, exchange gifts.
This time was different. Not because of DIPG change me physically, but more than that, I see the different meaning of Christmas. I realize or remember that my worth is in Christ. He has redeemed me from eternal death and made me to be co heirs with Jesus! I am more precious than gold or silver, much more beautiful than rubies and precious stones.
Proverbs 31:10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
::: LOVING KINDNESS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT
Christmas is identical with gifts. If you ask me what I want for Christmas, it will be God enable me to shine people surround me with love and blessings.
Loving kindness and forgiveness are the best gifts. A hug for a mom who cooked the whole day for Christmas dinner and not appreciated by her kids, a forgiveness to restore the hateful broken hearted siblings, a shoulder to cry for those who lost their loved ones, time to spend with those who are fighting serious illness, a kindness big heart that warm a cold grumpy heart, a phone call to an old relatives, a cheers for new moms, etc. Christmas is more meaningful.
I hope you, especially cancer warriors, no matter how we look, no matter how painful, no matter in what condition, know this: you and me are precious and beautiful, and be confident that we have so much value in Christ. You’re in my thought and prayer.
Love and hugs,