I will keep going on with “who”.
Sharing my 2017 Reflection and 2018 Expectation:
::: REFLECTION ON 2017
I concluded that 2017 was the year of madness!
I experienced the the lowest low and the highest high in my life. Although it’s a painful battle with DIPG, but nevertheless it’s also the most meaningful journey, with treasures memories. I married Tobias. I smile and laugh a lot like never before. Truly the light outshined the darkness.
But of course reflection are challenged with resentment and regret. I have doubts I have fears.
Why I have DIPG when I found my love?
What caused me DIPG?
How I can be healed, DIPG is incurable?
When the miracle complete healing come?
::: 2018: LIVE BASED ON HOPE:
I don’t know where 2018 is heading, my doubts maybe won’t disappear, I may still have to endure pain and discomfort from DIPG, I may still have to cope the new “normal” caused by DIPG.
I may can’t solve struggles of “what when how”, but I will keep going on with “who”, who gives me hope, who are loving me, who are here with me.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
I remember when I was in Denmark for Christmas, we went to the art museum. In the museum, there’s a writing “Faith is based on belief, science based on reason.” I agreed.
Anyway, it’s not always about faith. But it’s about hope. My faith may weaken, but my hope never dies.
Faith is a decision, but hope is universal. I choose to live based on hope, instead live hopeless based on fact of DIPG only.
DIPG is tragic, but nevertheless I set my eyes on God’s words that gave me hope, I abide in my husband’s love that gave me strength, I cling to my friends prayers that comforted me.
Some may say that hope is a dangerous thing, it’s a dashed expectation, it’s a longing for something that was impossible to attain.
But I say hope never dies. More than personal longing and aspiration, it is endurance, it is resiliency. Hope is not an optimism, because I am not sure everything will end well, but it gives me the tenacity to keep going on, to live with meaning, although it hurt but I alive not defeated.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
::: MAY LIGHT SHINES ON YOU
When I asked friends about 2017.
Some of them said it’s a great and better year, with babies coming, job promotion, got married, business deals, new home, etc.
For you who experienced good year in 2017, I’m so grateful and I wish 2018 will continue to be a blissful awesome year for you.
Some of them said it’s a worst year, they lost loved one, got fired, got cheated, got diagnosed with DIPG while pregnant, their child diagnosed with terminal illness, etc.
For you who were hurt in 2017. I wish I could be there hug you. I pray in 2018 God will reveal His miracles upon you. I pray for more prayer friends supporting and understanding you, for receiving your heart desires, for more love in your life, for patience hope strength, for healing, for good health physically and emotionally, for no nervous anxious worry, but joy and happiness. So many good things to pray for you…to conclude I pray that 2018 will be a year that you can’t stop praising Him for all best things happened in your life.
At New Year’s Eve gathering, a mother who recently found out her 5 years old son was diagnosed with diabetes, told me the new normal she and her son must adapt, including sticking insulin needle everyday. The sickness didn’t defeat her and her son, instead they live their life with meaning. She said since then she understand what is compassion, what is love. She also said that God won’t let them tempted beyond what they can bear. She touched my heart with her stories, her hope.
What happened, happened. Wether it’s our fault or not our fault. Let’s stop comparing ourselves with others, and set our feet to what lies in front of us, to have tremendous hope, to have compassion for others and to ourselves, and to love others as we love ourselves.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
As for me, I have made up my 2018 resolution, that is to continue hope and rejoice. I also expect 2018 will be another meaningful year, living one day at a time tasting God’s blessings, loving my husband, caring others, and also receive love.
Thank you for everything (prayer, support, care, attention) in 2017.
Let’s keep the light shine in 2018.
This morning I took blood test after I finished the first cycle of second line chemo treatment with CCNU and Procarbazin on 31 December 2017. Result will come tomorrow.
Lately, my left shoulder and arm were getting more stiff and pain, it hurt to put on/off shirt, I can’t turn my body facing left side while sleeping because it’s painful. This week, my husband apply balsam everyday on my left shoulder to ease the pain, hopefully it works. Appreciate your prayer 🙏