Life doesn’t always work the way we think it should work.
:: How to be good in life?
Summer days is finally here! Last weekend I spent time with husband and friends picnicking in the park. It’s lovely!
It amazes me, just in one week, everything turned “automatically” so very green. All plants growing from shy light green tiny leaves into lushly and densely green leaves, and some even start flowering.
This reminds me that we can’t fathom how things work in this universe.
Same thing, I don’t know how my writings affect you. What I know is to keep sharing you that there are grace and love in all seasons of life. To not give up, but to hope, that there’s peace which surpasses all understanding guarding our heart and mind. I hope that this will add color in your blooming process.
I think about do good then live good. This sounds very simple and optimistic. But I saw that life doesn’t always work the way we think it should work.
Some people are not able to enjoy their riches. Some people are able to enjoy little things in life.
Sometimes horrible things happen to really wise people, and sometimes foolish people got rewarded.
:: How to enjoy life?
A women I knew recently complaining again about her life to me, especially her marriage, also about money. I knew well this couple, they are millionaire, their business is prospering. They owned luxury villas overseas. They have beautiful, healthy and well-educated and well-behaved children. They have everything most people dream of. But, over the past years, they’re fighting, swearing, distrusting, accusing each other over money, over unfaithfulness, etc.
Many of us spend our whole life investing energy and emotions in wealth, pleasure, status, career. Thinking these make our life meaningful. But this is like a smoke, appears solid but when trying grab on to it, it’s nothing there.
I agreed there are beauty and goodness in the world, but just as we start enjoying it, tragedy strikes, and everything seems go away. So, for me life is constantly confusing, disorienting, unpredictable and uncontrollable.
What makes even more tragic is time limits us, and death is the great equalizer. Wise, foolish, rich, poor no matter who we are, what we’ve done, good or bad, we’re all gonna die.
There are no guarantees of good life. Good people died tragically and bad people live long and prosper.
This sad reality force me to accept that everything in life is out of my control.
The only one thing that I can control is my attitude, right here right now.
I can keep fearing, panicking or worrying, yet it won’t add a single length to my life.
We may work harder, invest more, letting us more stress, yet it’s not guarantee will add a single length of happiness.
I don’t mean to stop pursuing goals, or to stop working. Nor to stop having vision and mission, or stop having purpose. These things essential and give life meaning.
However, I’m sharing my very personal opinion, that the enjoyment of simple good things, enjoyment of what we have in life, is truly the gift of God. Enjoy a good conversation with friends, or enjoy sunny days, or having a good meal with family.
:: Where is justice?
Last year, a honest Jakarta’s Governor (Chinese-Indonesian), we call him Ahok, a public servant with integrity, with brilliant ideas and made many “benefiting people especially the poor” improvement in the city, jailed for 2 years because of accusations of blasphemy by hardline Islamist forces (with political modus).
A senseless attack and horrific tragedy in Toronto. An assailant use a van and attack, killing 10 people injuring 15 others, mostly women.
This week, there was anti-semitic attack on Jewish wearing a yarmulke in Berlin. A Syrian asylum seeker shouting “yahudi” (Arabic word for Jew) to a man wearing kippa, and attacked him.
Many brutal raped and murdered victims in India were not getting justice.
A man is working hard and giving the best to the company, but he’s not being appreciated, instead being limited and oppressed by his superior.
An innocent child of God-loving family suffering and dying from brainstem cancer/DIPG.
Endless unfairness, unjust and sufferings in this world to list…
I was assuming that every single thing that happen in this world should operate according to the principle of justice. If you’re wise and good, then good things will happen. If you’re evil and stupid person, disaster and punishment will happen.
But the fact and reality in life showed complete different things from my expectation of “justice”. In reality, the race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. We don’t know what awaits us.
Honestly, looking at this unjust world, looking at my life and others life, and unable in control, makes me some moments I am confident God is wise and just, in other moment I’m doubting God’s goodness, and accusing He is unfair, unjust.
Last night before bed, I was watching Blue Planet and Planet Earth on YouTube with my husband. We both laughed so hard at the funny dancing male birds trying to impress the female birds.
we were also astonished by the beauty of fish life in the deep ocean.
It struck me then, these things exist long time ago, even before the technology exist. Generation come and go, but the ocean, mountains stay.
The four seasons, the sun, the moon, the air I breathe, the trees, the wind, every single thing surround me is a very complex creation. Me as human is limited, my wisdom and knowledge is limited. I am temporary here, one day I will die, and in less than 100 years I will be forgotten.
I can’t comprehend the complexity of this world. I can’t claim how God ought to run the world. I can’t accuse God is unjust. I’m simply not in the position to do that.
We live in an amazing complex world—with complex human beings—that is not designed to prevent suffering.
Yet this not making me losing hope, but to humble myself. I can’t make sense of things going on in this world. But, one day there will be a judgment day. So, no matter what comes, good or bad, I trust my Heavenly Father, therefore I put my hope in Him.
WEEK 49 POST BIOPSY
BRAINSTEM MIDLINE PONTINE GLIOBLASTOMA (DIPG) GRADE IV
UPDATE ABOUT MY TREATMENT:
My white blood count dropped again, slightly below the level I can go for chemo. So, next Wednesday I will have blood test again, if it’s not recover yet then they will inject me booster drug. Then wait again for the next round of chemo.
So far my symptoms are stable, not getting worse nor better (symptoms list on previous post), only pain on my right face is a bit more than before. But bearable.
I start having difficulty to breath, not so intense, come and go. I suspect could be from allergic to pollen. Hopefully it will get better.