I visited art museums in Vienna,
they showed the collection of paintings by famous artists.
It’s so impressive to see how the artists were infusing their paintings with narrative details,
through tone, color, contour line, gesture, composition, and symbolism,
to tell us unfolding stories.
::: THE TITLE OF MY PAINTINGS
When I explore the paintings,
I usually look first at the title,
to have a clue that might help me
to see the insight and emotions of the artist,
to ignite a voyage of imagination,
to evoke emotions, and capture aspirations.
Some titles are abstract, descriptive, metaphoric,
mysterious, nostalgic, philosophical, etc.
Their brevity is enigmatic.
It revealed to me,
I am titled, too,
for so much bigger than what I’m living right now.
“The beloved daughter of the Almighty”,
“I’m not alone, friends circle me with solidarity”,
“Lamenting, Petitioning, Thanking, and Hoping in God”,
“Tobias is my earthly rock”
“The incurable DIPG failed to steal my joy”,
“My flesh may grow weak, but grace sustains me”,
“I’m loved unconditionally”,
“Miracle: despite cancer, I live to the fullest”,
Every season in my life
is a process of a beautiful picture.
To put God in the mix,
-by trusting Him wholeheartedly,
and by seeking His will in all I do-.
So then, people get to see
the amazing picture that God has for me.
Like the titling in art,
this painting of my life,
doesn’t answer all basic questions
(What, where, when, why and how).
It monumentalizes for
the love of God and His goodness.
And to invite you to think and dream,
or add another dimension,
that God love you, too.
::: BE KIND ANYWAY
One rainy evening in Bratislava,
we went to a famous local restaurant,
it’s packed with on-going ice-hockey world-championship sport fans,
there was no empty table,
we were sadly about to leave.
But then a local couple,
happily called us to join them.
They were also finding us menues in English.
Their kindness tasted sweet.
During our trip,
I observed and saw many times
Tobias’ random act of kindness, e.g:
opened a water bottle for an old man,
lifted suitcases in the train for an old couple.
Many more I cannot retell each one.
He was aware with his surroundings,
without hesitation offering help.
These made him happy, too.
How beautiful a day can be
when kindness touches it.
Kindness is a universal language,
regardless the race, faith, culture.
Kindness affects the user and the experiencer,
leaving a lasting impression on both.
A simple reminder to me,
Christ Jesus came to this world,
not to be served,
but to serve others.
He gave His life as a ransom,
for me and for you.
He taught me that kindness
is more enlightening and convicting
than simply smiling, being polite and nice.
To give it for free, not expecting anything in return.
To profit others.
To be kind to friends and strangers,
including to unkind people.
To forgive anyway, to be kind anyway.
I saw there are countless opportunities
to display kindness each day,
by words and by deeds,
online and offline.
Small acts of kindness do matter,
and love does conquer all.
::: MISS HOME
On the train on our way back home.
Me: Oh I can’t wait to get home. You’re my home, but also our home in Karlsruhe.
Tobias: Yes, I feel the same. I always rush home after work to see you.
Me: Why you feel like that?
Tobias: My heart aches for you when I’m away from you.
Short after 3 days away,
I already miss home.
Then a question suddenly raised in my heart:
“Do I feel like this with God?”
I had a flashback to 2 years ago:
my first encounter with God,
when I was in the hospital for 2 months.
It wasn’t normal, but awesome.
I was excited,
my spirit was intertwining with Holy Spirit,
worship songs were soothing my tormented soul,
reading the Bible lifted my hope.
I was overwhelmed by His loving presence.
It was an amazing mystery.
Then another question was burning in my heart:
“Do I want more of God, am I still having that affection, that sense of longing?”
For days, I wasn’t sure how to answer.
Until on our way home,
Tobias’ gave me the answer:
Heartache when away from loved ones.
I realized then,
when I was away for too long from the Bible,
my spirit grew weak.
It’s complex, yet fascinating,
His words release animating life energy.
When I was away too long from praying,
my peace grew dim.
I feel save and comfortable,
to talk my innermost personal topics and thoughts with Him.
My heart aches imagining
without Christ in my life.
Cos’ outside of Him, I’m weak.
In Him, I’m strong.
Then I understand,
I am both dirt and divine breath.
I came from dust and will go back to dust.
But my life is a gift.
Like the oxygen,
I can’t see God,
but I can’t live without Him.
So this is my answer:
Yes Lord, You’re my home.
My heart is troubled without Your presence.
Your word speaks life to me,
I enjoy immersing myself in Your words,
it brings me hope, blessings, love, and life.
I don’t know your story,
but Jesus knows your story.
In the midst of your challenges:
the singleness and the loneliness,
the marriage issue and the financial issue,
the illness and the person that passed away,
the pain and the depression,
the anxiety and the tiredness,
the abyss and the void.
Know that every breath you take,
He is personally present with you.
Love from home in Karlsruhe 🏡
“We know, dear brothers and sisters, that God loves you and has chosen you to be his own people.”
1 Thessalonians 1:4 NLT
“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”
Colossians 3:12 NLT
“In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
John 1:1 NLT
::: UPDATE ABOUT ME
24 Months Post Biopsy
Midline Pontine Glioblastoma/DIPG Grade IV
On Wednesday I received the 8th round of avastin.
Next MRI is scheduled on June 13th.
In the past weeks my right arm started feeling more sour and it gets weaker. I developed also sensitive pain on my right face and right eye. But it’s not an extreme pain, still bearable, don’t worry, but I appreciate your prayer for me 😉
Please go to page “My Medical History” for more details.
The pigeonproof birdhouse I built was proven effective 👏😄
Pigeons are annoyed can’t get in the box.
Die Meise (The Blue Tits -a small passerine birds) are happy.
Die Meise fliegt leise
Und landet in der Scheisse
Aber sie isst gerne
Thanks for keeping me in your prayers 🙏
PS: Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my posts 🤗