what a surprise- surprise 🤣
I thought it’s gonna be my last post .
I’m still here. 🤣
I’m still writing while I still can 🤪😜☺️
and I won’t claim again to write my last post.
I will just keep writing for as long as I can.
Somehow, I wanted to share with you about what was on my mind lately 😉☺️
About forgiveness 😊🙃
As per today, the COVID-19 pandemic already affected 213 countries, more than 11.7 million people, and has taken more than 540.000 lives.
Many parts of the world,
struggling with starvation,
struggling with food insecurity,
because of the pandemic.
::: UNLIMITED FORGIVENESS
I received messages from friends and acquaintances like this:
- What is exactly your illness Titien? (Just read up on it here)
- What time is it now in Germany? (Google it)
- I heard this supplement will cure cancer! (They don’t)
- Do you want to buy this supplement from me? (I find it appalling to try tp make money of a dying person)
- Don’t eat meat! (No reason not to)
- Don’t eat any sugar! (No scientific basis this has any effect)
- Stop drinking honey, it’s high in sugar. (Why should I drink my tea tasteless)
- Want to be a supplement member? I give you special prices. (See answer above)
- Try this diet! (No. I eat what I want)
- Try this herbal. (It tastes horrible and has no proven benefit)
- Giving me a bunch of advices.
Hello, I am dying here.
often these comments make me feeling hurt.
Often, I feel the people posting them don’t really care.
In my heart, instead of feeling relief,
I felt bitterness and anger choked me.
And the desire to punish them,
by withholding genuine affection,
I became preeminent in my thoughts and feelings.
Forgiveness is one of the most expensive things I can do.
When someone has wronged me,
when someone has hurt me,
when someone has offended me,
and I have to choose not to respond with anger but with love?
it’s one of the costliest emotional trials I will ever go through.
It is very hard, sometimes I want to forgive,
yet I still find it hard to do so.
::: NO WITHHOLD
I am pained,
to admit that I have these feelings at all.
I know I should be overflowing with forgiveness.
Yet, it’s easier to say than truly do it.
An unwillingness to forgive,
locks me up in bitterness,
and throws away the key.
It enslaves me to ingratitude,
and chokes me out of gratefulness.
It prevents me from experiencing the freedom that comes with free-flowing grace.
I have ensuing desire to punish those who have hurt me.
But, my Heavenly Father,
forgiveness is unlimited.
He forgives me when I’m a sinner.
He forgives me when I’m undeserved.
When I fail to forgive,
I fail to recognize my own debt.
I fail to appreciate the reality,
of the limitless scope of forgiving grace,
on my savior Christ Jesus.
that I have no position to withhold
forgiveness from each other.
I learned God loves me even when my life is wrong;
I learned God loves me even when my thought is wrong,
I learned God loves me even when my speech is wrong.
I learned to be generous to forgive them,
I learned to give to Heavenly Father the hurts I have suffered and endured,
sometimes I can or cannot reconcile and restore relationship with them.
often people hurt us,
without knowing it,
we ought to forgive them.
It frees us from bondage.
now we understand,
the very heart of God,
let’s be kind to one another,
let’s be tenderhearted,
let’s be forgiving to each other,
just as Christ Jesus also has forgiven us.
Check this out:
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV
::: UPDATE ABOUT ME
3 Years 2 months Post Biopsy
Midline Pontine Glioblastoma/DIPG Grade IV
Now, Tobias takes care of me completely.
I 100% depend on Tobias, on everything.
I can’t hold my neck anymore.
I fall whenever I don’t sit up straight.
I lost all of my muscles and functions.
Last week, a special bed was delivered to our home.
I can with the push of some buttons change the head angle, bed hight and leg space inclination.
so in the morning Tobias can move me there and I have it easier to breathe.
I am getting worse rapidly, day by day.
Following the advice of my doctors, I keep decreasing dexamethasone in 2 mg increments every few days.
I am retaining so much water in my body.
I currently take 6 mg after breakfast (9 am), 6mg after lunch (2 pm ).
Dexamethasone doesn’t slow down my symptoms from worsening.
Yesterday I was still able to control my balance,
not to fall.
Today, I cannot control my balance anymore.
I am getting weaker everyday.
We learned about pain management,
we’re good now.
Tobias gave me 10 drops of diazepam to relax the muscles and 40 drops of novalgin,
so I can sleep well.
Honestly, I cry a lot lately.
Not because I am sad,
but because I am touched,
I am so loved unconditionally by Tobias ♥️.
I depend 100% on him.
I have to learn to be patient with myself and trust that I don’t burden Tobias.
He is in pain too.
He needs to lift me up and hold my neck and head,
whenever I need him.
I am 100 % crippled,
I am 100 % disabled,
I 100 % lost my muscles,
I 100 %. lost my functions ,
I know ,
I can’t do anything about it.
Just so thankful for Tobias ♥️
Tobias has cancelled all of his seminars and workshops from now on forward.
He is now just focusing on my needs.
Tobias hugs and kisses me a lot,
he shows affection to me a lot,
I can’t hold anymore my neck and going out by wheelchair causes my head to flip and flop.
Tobias ordered a head stabiliser.
So, I can still go feeding ducks 🦆.
(Don’t worry, we feed them with unflavored sunflower seed)
It makes me extremely happy 😃
Often, I watch the birds on our balcony,
they also make me extremely happy.
I love you, my Tobias ♥️.
Please remember Tobias in your prayers and thoughts.
Please remember Tobias as your beloved friend.
He needs strength more than ever now.
He needs encouragement more than ever now.
He needs your support more than ever now.
He needs you.
He is my love ♥️
He is my everything ♥️.
Please go to “My Medical History” for more details.
Thanks for keeping us in your prayers 🙏
PS: Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my posts.
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