Hello friends, I’m still here. Though it’s very hard for me to read,
and type on my iPhone, but with patience I can do it.
So, I’m very happy to share with you again the thoughts I had lately.🤗
As per today, the COVID-19 pandemic has already affected 213 countries, more than 8.5 million people, and taken more than 450.000 lives.
It pains my heart,
it breaks my heart,
to hear how every morning news
are bad news.
Recently I can’t stay in bed for too long.
I need to sit up at around 6 am the latest.
I know that Tobias needs his sleep until 7 am.
So, he just sleeps on my legs and holds me.
I have trouble breathing and no power to cough the mucus out which is building up in my airways over night.
At around 6:30 both of us can no longer sleep.
The other day, Tobias was sound asleep.
I was touched with the forgiveness I revived in my life.
Which was bot unmerited and undeserved.
I suddenly remembered my past.
Just a case of many cases in my life.
Do you know in Beijing I had an affair for almost 2 years with a married man from Austria 🇦🇹
So, his wife with 2 little kids, a toddler and a baby moved back to Austria.
I fell in love, and we moved in together.
We had many friends.
We spent daytime like a real couple.
We cooked, we laughed.
I thought things went well and he had processed the divorce.
I didn’t care about the kids at all.
I only cared about myself.
After almost 2 years,
I accidentally opened a camera,
and I found out every time he went back to Europe,
he wore his wedding ring.
He didn’t get divorced as he promised me.
I was angry and left him.
But, I think the wife was able to sense that something was wrong.
I can see that she was not happy,
then he started dating another rich Shanghai woman.
They lived together,
she took care of a lot of his expenses.
At the end he got divorced from his Austrian wife,
and now lives in Shanghai with his rich girlfriend.
I have ruined their lives.
I have ruined the kids lives.
I feel regret and shame.
I knew I needed forgiveness.
I became so appreciative,
of the fact that God extends forgiveness, through His mercy and His grace.
What an unconditional love,
grounded in unmerited grace.
This forgiveness of sins,
that I have is now,
is according to His unmerited, unearned, and undeserved favor to me.
Oh how I felt being blessed and joyful!
I have Tobias.
I have eternity.
I am loved and contented.
I am forgiven.
I am beyond blessed.
These are the best gifts for my 39th birthday, which is
upcoming this 24th June.
it’s easy for me to forgive,
to be kind,
to be tender-hearted,
to not be upset easily,
to not hold grudges.
to not feel bitter easily.
I know reconciliation is not a requirement.
But, I have reconciled with God.
My life was full of sorrow and wretchedness,
I believed that I was lost.
But, now I see the salvation was for me.
we’re not perfect,
we have failed so many times,
we have made mistakes,
we have done wrong things,
but, know this,
God is faithful,
He gave us the new creation and the old was gone.
He reconciled us with Him,
He promised us the inheritance of eternity.
whatever you have done,
That’s one of the best things to happen in our life.
So, always be happy 😊.
Check this out:
“but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8 ESV
::: UPDATE ABOUT ME
3 Years 2 weeks Post Biopsy
Midline Pontine Glioblastoma/DIPG Grade IV
Now, I have palliative care.
No further treatment is available for me.
I have anxiety drugs in case I come to difficulty with breathing.
A palliative care nurse came to visit and will assist us with what we need at home.
I’m not able to see my oncologist anymore.
We didn’t have contact for almost a month. After another email, she finally got back to us.
She was apparently transferred to another department, no more in oncology department.
That’s why we didn’t hear from her.
I have no oncologist taking care of me now.
But my resident doctor doctor will come to visit us on Monday.
I am getting worse rapidly, day by day.
For now, I increased dexamethasone to 22 mg daily. 12 mg after breakfast, 10 mg after lunch.
It doesn’t slow down my symptoms from worsening.
Everyday I have to deal with feeling as if my head is in a cloud,
I no longer can speak,
I need eye drops all the time,
I communicate with Tobias mostly by typing on my phone or by pointing fingers.
I no longer can walk even with a rollator at home,
I need help to go to the toilet,
I need help with showering,
I no longer can get out of bed alone,
I no longer can move my body,
I have severe head pressure,
I have a very blurred vision,
I have balance issues,
I no longer can get up from the sofa by myself, even though Tobias elevated it with two bricks from the DIY store.
I no longer can sit straight on sofa,
I have bowel issues to the point where I can’t control my bowel anymore,
I have tingling pain on my left arm and on my face 24/7,
I have weakness on my right arm,
I have many fits of laughter.
I need help with everything.
I lost all my functions.
he takes care of me.
Without feeling that it is a burden.
I love you, my Tobias ♥️.
Please go to “My Medical History” for more details.
Thanks for keeping us in your prayers 🙏
PS: Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my posts.
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