A GIFT OF FORGIVENESS

Hello friends, Iโ€™m still here. Though itโ€™s very hard for me to read,
and type on my iPhone, but with patience I can do it.

So, Iโ€™m very happy to share with you again the thoughts I had lately.๐Ÿค—

As per today, the COVID-19 pandemic has already affected 213 countries, more than 8.5 million people, and taken more than 450.000 lives.

It pains my heart,
it breaks my heart,
to hear how every morning news
are bad news.

::: FORGIVEN

Recently I canโ€™t stay in bed for too long.
I need to sit up at around 6 am the latest.
I know that Tobias needs his sleep until 7 am.
So, he just sleeps on my legs and holds me.
I have trouble breathing and no power to cough the mucus out which is building up in my airways over night.
At around 6:30 both of us can no longer sleep.

The other day, Tobias was sound asleep.
I was touched with the forgiveness I revived in my life.
Which was bot unmerited and undeserved.

I suddenly remembered my past.
Just a case of many cases in my life.
Do you know in Beijing I had an affair for almost 2 years with a married man from Austria ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น
So, his wife with 2 little kids, a toddler and a baby moved back to Austria.
I fell in love, and we moved in together.

We had many friends.
We spent daytime like a real couple.
We cooked, we laughed.
I thought things went well and he had processed the divorce.
I didnโ€™t care about the kids at all.
I only cared about myself.

After almost 2 years,
I accidentally opened a camera,
and I found out every time he went back to Europe,
he wore his wedding ring.
He didnโ€™t get divorced as he promised me.
I was angry and left him.

But, I think the wife was able to sense that something was wrong.
I can see that she was not happy,
then he started dating another rich Shanghai woman.

They lived together,
she took care of a lot of his expenses.
At the end he got divorced from his Austrian wife,
and now lives in Shanghai with his rich girlfriend.

I have ruined their lives.
I have ruined the kids lives.
I feel regret and shame.

I knew I needed forgiveness.
I became so appreciative,
of the fact that God extends forgiveness, through His mercy and His grace.
What an unconditional love,
grounded in unmerited grace.

This forgiveness of sins,
that I have is now,
is according to His unmerited, unearned, and undeserved favor to me.
Oh how I felt being blessed and joyful!

I have Tobias.
I have eternity.
I am loved and contented.
I am forgiven.
I am beyond blessed.
These are the best gifts for my 39th birthday, which is
upcoming this 24th June.

::: FORGIVES

Since then,
itโ€™s easy for me to forgive,
to be kind,
to be tender-hearted,
to not be upset easily,
to not hold grudges.
to not feel bitter easily.

I know reconciliation is not a requirement.
But, I have reconciled with God.
My life was full of sorrow and wretchedness,
I believed that I was lost.
But, now I see the salvation was for me.

Friends,
weโ€™re not perfect,
we have failed so many times,
we have made mistakes,
we have done wrong things,
but, know this,
God is faithful,
He forgives,
He gave us the new creation and the old was gone.
He reconciled us with Him,
He promised us the inheritance of eternity.

Friends,
whatever you have done,
know this,
youโ€™re forgiven,
youโ€™re loved.
Thatโ€™s one of the best things to happen in our life.
So, always be happy ๐Ÿ˜Š.

Love,
Titien

Check this out:

โ€œbut God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.โ€
โ€ญRomansโ€ฌ โ€ญ5:8โ€ฌ โ€ญESV


::: UPDATE ABOUT ME
3 Years 2 weeks Post Biopsy
Midline Pontine Glioblastoma/DIPG Grade IV

Now, I have palliative care.
No further treatment is available for me.
I have anxiety drugs in case I come to difficulty with breathing.
A palliative care nurse came to visit and will assist us with what we need at home.

Iโ€™m not able to see my oncologist anymore.
We didnโ€™t have contact for almost a month. After another email, she finally got back to us.
She was apparently transferred to another department, no more in oncology department.
Thatโ€™s why we didnโ€™t hear from her.
I have no oncologist taking care of me now.
But my resident doctor doctor will come to visit us on Monday.

I am getting worse rapidly, day by day.
For now, I increased dexamethasone to 22 mg daily. 12 mg after breakfast, 10 mg after lunch.

It doesnโ€™t slow down my symptoms from worsening.

Everyday I have to deal with feeling as if my head is in a cloud,
I no longer can speak,
I need eye drops all the time,
I communicate with Tobias mostly by typing on my phone or by pointing fingers.
I no longer can walk even with a rollator at home,
I need help to go to the toilet,
I need help with showering,
I no longer can get out of bed alone,
I no longer can move my body,
I have severe head pressure,
I have a very blurred vision,
I have balance issues,
I no longer can get up from the sofa by myself, even though Tobias elevated it with two bricks from the DIY store.
I no longer can sit straight on sofa,
I have bowel issues to the point where I canโ€™t control my bowel anymore,
I have tingling pain on my left arm and on my face 24/7,
I have weakness on my right arm,
I have many fits of laughter.
I need help with everything.
I lost all my functions.

Thanks Tobias,
he takes care of me.
Without feeling that it is a burden.
I love you, my Tobias โ™ฅ๏ธ.

Please go to โ€œMy Medical Historyโ€ for more details.

Thanks for keeping us in your prayers ๐Ÿ™

PS: Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my posts.
Please subscribe to get updates by mail. ๐Ÿ˜Š

Got sweets and drinks from a friend, Jรถrg โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜Š Thanks
This is the Chinese porridge drink I mentioned about ๐Ÿ˜‚
My thing, not Tobias thing ๐Ÿ˜‚
Saturday morning routine ๐Ÿ‘โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š
Ok, we always have:
Seele (German chewy sour bread ๐Ÿฅ–)
Pretzel ๐Ÿฅจ
Sonntag Brรถtchen (to make peanut butter jelly/ Nutella for me, yep my thing)
Nuss Zopf or Mohn Schneck or Himbeerenschnecke for coffee
Coffees time everyday. Heโ€™s a professional barista ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜†
We make our coffee from coffee bean, we ground it, and we cooked it in Italian coffee press
The Maiers โ™ฅ๏ธ
Our fat pet.
Sheโ€™s always here in my balcony.
Cleaning her beak, jumping here and there, sometimes just sitting for 15 minutes in the feeding house doing nothing, sometimes throwing food on the floor, whatever she wants.
Oh also, I have black tits, blue tits, black birds, sparrows coming everyday every time..
Every morning photo๐Ÿ“ฑ
Ok, the 3rd edition paprika coming out from my sink again ๐Ÿ˜‚ .
We rescued and placed it in a pot.
I name it โ€˜Holgerโ€™ ๐ŸŒถ ๐Ÿ˜‚
Holger ๐ŸŒถ second edition is already big ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ˜‚
โ™ฅ๏ธ The Maiers every morning ๐Ÿ“ฑ
Somebody sent me this delicious sweet without a name!
Later, I found out itโ€™s from my bestie, Katinka. ๐Ÿ˜‚
Thanks love โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜Š
โ™ฅ๏ธ weโ€™re a cereal killer indeed.
And I a Honig ๐Ÿฏ Monster
Neighbor keeps feeding us with delicious cherry cakes ๐Ÿฐ ๐Ÿ’
This morning ๐Ÿ“ฑโ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š
Usually at night after dinner,
we watched Netflix, an Asian movies/series ๐Ÿ˜‚ on his iMac.
Lately, we watched Hongkong West Side Stories ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜‚

21 Replies to “A GIFT OF FORGIVENESS”

  1. Sending you both so much love. Thank you for always sharing, Titien. You’re both such amazing human beings.

    1. Thanks April โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜Š
      Have a wonderful weekend ๐Ÿ˜.
      Love, Titien

  2. Hi Titien,
    You are helping me with my life. Your ability to open yourself up to the world is huge. You give me inspiration. Amen, because I needed this path to forgiveness.

    1. Thanks Lisa โ™ฅ๏ธ,
      for your uplifting comments. Iโ€™m glad that I inspires you. ๐Ÿฅฐ
      Keep shining, happy and healthy โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜Š.
      Love, Titien

  3. Titien, thank you for sharing your story. We all do things in life that we regret afterwards. We all do mistakes. You are a wonderful and kind woman and don`t blame yourself for what you did. I think if someone is to blame it is this man from Austria, as he was the one who cared very little for his family and fooled everyone. My husband cheated on me and left me for another woman. It was in October 2018. We are back together now, but I still have a hard time forgiving. Your post really inspired me and yes, I think I have to finally come to peace and forgive him. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Much love to you, Titien and God bless you.

    1. Thanks for sharing Mari โ™ฅ๏ธ
      Deep hugs and love to you โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜
      Thank you for your kind encouragement ๐Ÿ˜Š
      Keep shining, happy and healthy Mari ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜.
      Love, Titien

  4. I’m back from the sink! Yeah – three times is a charm ๐Ÿ˜€

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts Titien, even under the most difficult circumstances imaginable. You’re flawed, just like everybody else is. It’s your strength that shows when you admit your flaws and it’s courage to ask for forgiveness, trying to learn from mistakes.
    Tobias loves you – no matter what. He’s with you when your body is failing you more and more. He’ll always be there.

    Thinking of you and yes, also praying for you.
    Hugs
    Holger

    1. Hi Holger ๐ŸŒถ,
      We have 3rd edition of you came out from our sink! ๐Ÿ˜‚
      The second edition is this ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Thanks Holger, yeah Tobias is by my side all the time. Iโ€™m beyond blessed and Pharrell happy ๐Ÿ˜ƒ
      Wish you a wonderful weekend โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜Š
      Love, Titien

  5. Hi Titien
    Thank you so much for continuing to share your thoughts and to inspire your readers in spite of growing discomfort. You always touch my heart with your lovingkindness.
    Your affair with the Austrian guy was by no means your fault only. When you broke off with him, he continued to cheat on his wife and kids with another woman. I suspect his family are better off without him.
    Tobias, by contrast, is a caring and amazing husband, just as you too are an admirable and wonderful person. Your strength and faith are beyond my humble understanding.
    I wish you continued peace of mind and tranquility.
    Hugs and prayers
    Elisabeth

    PS: Have a sunny weekend with many yummy cakes and Hongkong West Side stories.

    1. Haha thanks Elisabeth,
      Yep Iโ€™m Pharrell happy with Tobias ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿค—
      Thanks ya
      Have a wonderful weekend too love โค๏ธ
      Love โ™ฅ๏ธ

  6. Ok…not so sure on that porridge drink Titien๐Ÿ˜€you always make me think about life every time you post. Thank you for making me truly think & believe. You did Tobias are always in my prayers. Thank you for writingโ™ฅ๏ธ

    1. Haha, I love it๐Ÿ˜†โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜
      You should try ๐Ÿ˜‚
      Thanks for reading โ™ฅ๏ธ
      Have a wonderful weekend

  7. Dear Titien,

    One day, I don’t remember how, I came to your blog.

    I have been following you for a long time and I have never dared to write to you, for the simple fact of not knowing what and how to say it.

    What the body asks me, is to give you a huge hug, one of those that transmit and โ€œfeedโ€. I am a very loving person and I usually express myself much more with gestures.

    Sorry I have not written before.

    I want you to know that you are a person with an angel, you shine with your own light and you give off love and generosity … in short, you make yourself loved!

    Everyone in our lives makes mistakes … and we learn from them. (including me ;))
    The important thing is that good people commit them unintentionally … and you are a wonderful person!

    You have opened your heart to us without asking for anything in return and you are giving us all an enormous gift … your kindness and humility (bondad y humildad). You are penetrating a lot of people and you are making us all better persons.

    You are a gift Titien! And your gift is Tobias … another incredible being that you deserve and he deserves you.

    Time does not play in your favor, but you have found a pure love that not everyone has the opportunity to live.

    Titien, Tobias … you are wonderful persons who personally helped me to continue believing that there are exceptional people with values and above all with a lot of love to give.

    Unconditional love – one of the engines of life.

    From Spain I send you a huge hug full of love and strength!
    I carry you both in my heart.

    1. Thanks Tania for writing me an encouragement message.
      It makes me so happy to know that you read my stories.
      I believe youโ€™re a wonderful person, me too, very expressive with hugs and gestures ๐Ÿ˜‚
      Even though I am not a Spanish ๐Ÿ˜‚
      Thanks Tania, I embraced your love and hugs ๐Ÿค—
      Thanks also for remember us in your thoughts ๐Ÿ˜โ™ฅ๏ธ
      Have a lovely, warm and shining week ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜
      Love,
      Titien

  8. Happy Birthday Titien!!! ๐Ÿ’–
    Enjoy your specially made Birthday Nussschnecke from your favorite bakery. Was very moved by Tobias blog entry ๐Ÿ˜ญ

    Lots of hugs and enjoy your birthday! ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ€
    Holger from the sink

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