His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.
Friends said we are lovebirds, we are crazy in love like young teenagers. True, but we’re also like an old couple that passes so many overwhelming situations, still we’re deeply in love. He is my husband, Tobias Maier.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
I married him because I love him and he loves me, because who I am when I’m with him, and because of shortly after I know him, I saw the honorable man quality in him. I am a very lucky and happy wife.
Each morning, woke up by his side and saw him smile gave me joy. Until now, every moment, in high and in low, he shows unfailing love.
“There are three things that amaze me—no, four things that I don’t understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman.” Proverbs 30:18-19.
::: HOW WE MET
We met in summer 2015 in Germany.
I was in German language school, he was working and looking after his mother who was ill. We knew each other online.
Like school kids, we met 4 times for a not fancy lunch, went to a music shop, tried instruments.
It was sweet, but I had to say goodbye. I went back to Indonesia for work.
Summer 2016, I went back to Germany.
Autumn 2016, in October 2016, we met again.
I was about to go back home to Indonesia, but this time met him, things were different. I felt right.
“With you, I can be myself. I never love and loved like this” he said.
December 2016, we’re engaged.
January 2017, I had double vision caused by my limited left eye movement.
February 2017, he got my family blessings to marry me, and we had a wonderful holiday in Bali.
March 2017, further check up on my vision found a tumor grow in my brainstem. We were devastated. Outside the doctor room we sat and cried.
“Cancel the marriage. I have a brain tumor. I don’t want to put you in this pain” I said.
“No, I want to marry you even more, as soon as possible”! He replied.
I stayed a week in the hospital and went through series of MRI and examinations. He drove 2 hours one way, couple times to Tübingen hospital. We talked a lot about our hope and fears.
::: A LIVING VOW
5 April 2017, the best day of my life. I married Tobias, the love of my life.
April 2017, Tübingen diagnosed me with stage 4 tumor. Facing this, Tobias holding my hands and never giving up on me. We never write nor say vows, but I believe we are the living vows ever said. “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, we love, till death do us apart”.
It’s easy to show love when you’re healthy. I want my husband to feel comfortable at home. Before DIPG, I made sure our home was always spotless dust free, I cooked exotic asian food that he likes, I host dinner for his colleagues and friends, I walked with him in nature, I went out for drinks and dance with him, I gave him massage, we played badminton, we swim, etc little things I know it makes him happy. I planned to go to German language school, find a job, or even better, start a business with him.
May-July 2017, I spent 2 months in the hospital. Since then my life has changed. Affects our marriage life. Tobias drove 3 hours back and forth Karlsruhe-Frankfurt. After I was back in Karlsruhe, each morning before and after work, he came to hospital and spent quality time with me. He accompanied me to radiotherapy. He made sure everyday I have fresh clothes to wear. He kept the faith for my health, for our love. I never see a man love like this. He gives, he sacrifices. From his eyes, I can see so crystal clear how transparent is his love to me. I am lucky. I am loved.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:28
August-September 2017. Hard time. My limited physical function put us into trials. I can’t walk, I can’t do things by myself. He must carried me on his back, climbed the stairs to the family doctor practice at the second floor of the old building. He pushed me on wheelchair to see the city. He never ashamed showing affection to me in public despite my cushing-syndrome looks. He cooked, washed, blow-dry my hair. He cleaned the peg-tube attached to my stomach, he patiently listened to my complaint of my pain and my doubts, he hugged me when I was down, I cling to his neck to get up from bed. He became my primary caregiver, but never in a slight moment Tobias complained nor showed resentment.
I felt guilt!
I want to do things for him, but I can’t, I don’t want to be a burden for him taking care of me, but I’m helpless.
“You are never a burden for me. You want to believe or not, but please learn to accept that I love you with unconditional love!” said Tobias.
“Then don’t leave me”
“I promised you I will never ever leave you nor let you go.”
— I believe we cancer warriors, both children and adults, we don’t want to be a burden, but at the same time deep in our heart we want to be clingy and being hold by people we love.—
:::ACCEPT TRUE LOVE
My past unhealthy and unhappy relationships made me believe the lies that true love is not exist, and the normality of emotional abuse. I thought nowadays love is based on physical appearance, career, material, things I could offer. Now, when physical beauty is fleeting, disable to work, only me, just Titien, still he loves? He loves even more. His love change my perspective of life.
Women, we deserve to be happy, adored, honored, protected, feel beautiful, heard, feel secured, feel loved without doubt by our men. Do not stay in an physical and emotional abusive relationships. Walk away. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let lies control you.
I learned to accept unconditional love from Tobias. I love him. I can’t do things for him like I did before. But I found and will find ways to show love: I listen and encourage him, I praise him, respect him, embrace him when he’s home, playing with his hair when watching movie, telling and laughing at jokes, cooking together, play “finding the same socks” game he invented for me / helping him with laundry, shop groceries together, never miss a morning sitting down and having a tea together before work, I hug and kiss more, etc.
::: BLOOMING AND PROVED PURE
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
October 2017 – ongoing, it’s still hard, exhausting and complicated circumstances with DIPG. But our love is stronger.
Do we argue?
We never have heated arguments, we never yell at each other. We argue, we disagree, we questioned but we never digest it by ourselves. We ask and talk, leave no chance to assumption. We speak transparent no hidden agenda. We listen and not defense nor attack. We admit, we humble and we fix. We never let grudge in our heart unsolved overnight.
Time is too precious to let anger or distrust or negativity came to our lives.
Time is too precious to put priority in something else other than your love one, your wife husband and kids, your family.
Time is too precious to not nurturing the relationship/marriage.
Time is too precious to not appreciate people who love you.
“Why marry me and bear this?”
“Because it’s worth it. I love you and I am the happiest man alive”, he smiled.
Our love is pure and genuine, like gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure.