There are two boys, they are brothers and in their teenage years. In 2017, the younger brother had been fighting dipg for several months when the big brother himself was diagnosed with thyroid cancer that had spread to the lymph nodes. The unthinkable, both brothers fighting cancer.
The younger brother passed away that year. Now, the cancer of the older brother is progressing.
I read these news posted by a dipg advocate. There I also read and see photos of many children in pain, and remembering those who have passed away because they suffered from DIPG.
My heart is shattered.
In my distress, I’m wrestling with this old question again in my own mind:
How the all-powerful all-loving God allows that innocent children suffer?
::: TOO MUCH OF EVIL
I have been living with DIPG for two years and two months now.
My arm and my face is hurting,
my head is hurting,
my appearance is changing.
I know pain and suffering because I am in the pain and suffering.
Experiencing pain is an appendage.
The very organ that was intended to control my physical functions is ruining my physical functions.
Not only my anguish,
a hospital full of diseases,
a prison crowded with malefactors,
fields and oceans strewn with garbage,
nations languishing under tyranny famine or pestilence,
brute facts of force and chaos,
optimism pathetically crashing to disaster,
a world full of despair and meaninglessness.
Oh I could easily write a long list of tragedies and atrocities.
Honestly, how can I possibly square it with the ultimate purpose of God’s love?
If it is science that has led Tobias to doubt the existence of God,
it’s not for me,
but it is the state of this world!
This evokes me.
I realized that the core of my question is actually about the human value and God’s existence.
::: UNDERSTAND THE STORY LINE
I am currently reading the Old Testament. It’s very challenging, often I found 101 problems that left me wrestling with my faith and tempted me to quickly accuse God as an ogre!
But as I continued reading,
like sorting the puzzles,
it became clearer to me,
and became the most magnificent story.
His wisdom and goodness became more understandable in the light of stories.
The Bible said that God is the author of our life.
If there’s an author, there’s a script and there’s a story.
Each of us have our own story.
Once we understand the storyline it explains the contingencies.
It may now be hard for you to grasp and understand,
but take your time, and trust in the goodness and mercy of God.
He will eventually answer your questions.
He is good and wise and all knowing.
We are not.
::: MORAL LAWGIVER
In the Old Testament I read that
human cultures have decided it is ok to kill infants, enslave adults, mass murder.
It’s still happening today.
Each culture determines its own meanings of good and evil.
This brings me to the inescapability of moral reasoning.
if there’s bad, there’s also good.
If there’s good and bad,
there’s a moral law to differentiate good and bad.
If there’s moral law, there’s a moral lawgiver.
There’s the ultimate moral law given by the ultimate moral lawgiver: the Bible and the Lord our God.
::: THE PURPOSE OF GOD IS TO GIVE LIFE
If only you know the girl I was before and the chains that were binding me inside.
You’ll understand that
if DIPG makes me come to define true freedom,
then I’m just as happy as a healthy person.
I am healed and have found life in my soul that I never had before.
::: NO DOUBT IN TRUE LOVE
I asked Tobias to write a list about what it feels like living with Titien. (I’ll share this in my next post)
There’s one point where he wrote: “you never doubt my love, nor think I want to hurt you, but accept that sometimes there are misunderstandings between us.”
As I read this, my question is answered.
Although sometimes we don’t understand the problems in our life, but we keep trusting God is love, God is good, God is just, God is holy, and God is all-knowing.
“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
John 14:6 NIV
::: UPDATE ABOUT ME
2 Year 2 Month Post Biopsy
Midline Pontine Glioblastoma/DIPG Grade IV
Last Thursday, I received the 11th round of avastin chemo.
My wisdom teeth was pulled out two weeks ago. The wound is still in healing process, slowly.
My symptoms are more or less the same than last week.
Please go to “My Medical History” for more details.
Thanks for keeping me in your prayers 🙏
PS: Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing my posts.
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